ooff. Ka aroha Luigi. I did notice I had stopped receiving your newsletters, but I thought it was my fault cos I've changed emails. Reading through this I was on the verge of tears. It must have been hard to write and relive, I can understand needing to keep your world small in the sense of not publishing, so much was out of your control and all of it so big (including the work stuff which you have to keep holding close). My Mum has come to live with me full time and I am so much more aware now of whole realities I was just naive about before. The loss of independence, the feeling of being a burden, and a society that mostly doesn't want to know. It's brutal. Your Mum is amazing to be 95!!!! You and your brother did an amazing job transitioning her, I can only imagine her strength. I related to you saying that you wanted to do better/be better. I'm trying too. Also find it difficult to write about for anyone except myself. I am also acutely aware all the time of that "task" of purging a lifetime of "stuff" at some point. I am trying to practice letting go now so that my kids don't have that responsibility. It just seems like an ache. Especially the boxes of correspondence, even more treasured now that such things don't exist. Anyway, I think you might enjoy this post by Megan Dunn, even though it left me a bit wrung out. Sending lots of love and great to have you back. https://megandunn90.substack.com/p/mum-rabilia
Thanks as always Nadine. It's great to be back :) It has been an interesting time. You are very perceptive. I appreciate the aroha. In writing what I do, I have to be very careful about the timing, particularly to protect other people as well as myself. You mentioned purging, and my writing at least in part is doing that. I feel I have viewed much of my life through the eyes of an angry teenager, although I haven't let that stop me from having an awesome family and a great life. I am very lucky that the life choices I made took me down some great paths, which could easily have had very different outcomes. I truly believe I have tupuna who look out for me. Going through my parent's correspondence now, that I had never seen before, has allowed me to see different facets of my family and even life in a different way. I'm lucky my mother is still around and happy to have frank conversations that my father would have turned his back on. Ageing is definitely brutal and cruel. I hope I never end up in a rest home, losing control of my life and dignity. I'll check out the Megan Dunn with thanks.
As you know, you and I come from similar backgrounds, as to how we grew up with our individual parents.
Both our parents were good friends back when you and I were young.
The similarities between our parents are quite scary, to be honest.
My mum, being younger than yours, has also had a year of mishaps, falls, etc. In and out of hospital. This has really knocked her confidence, Pop, who is the same age as your mum, and who really admired Leo, is now suffering from dementia, he doesn't move far from his couch on the deck, where he can see who is coming and going, they are both still living at home, but Mum wants out.
There are some very serious discussions to be had in the very near future.
The whole rest home thing is a complete shambles, I see it as nothing more than what you described in the horror case you and your brother experienced.
Anyway, I hope we never grow up to be old. Anyway if I do, Mel has booked me in to live with my granddaughter.
Now that'll be fun.
Take of yourself old friend.
I think, Cat Stevens Father and Son is appropriate to round this off.
Hey Tony, Yes your parents were great friends of mine. They also looked after me when I first moved to Christchurch until I got myself a flat. I have a painting that your Dad gave to mine, which your Mum assures me isn't of her lol. I am planning to return it as it has no meaning to me and we have nowhere to hang it.
I know where you are coming from and feel for your Mum.
Not all rest homes are like this, but unless you are wealthy enough to go to a retirement village (and my mother is past that), rest homes to me are places where people go to wait to die. I don't want to be in one of those either.
Bottom line, ageing is cruel.
I really related to Father and Son when I was younger.
ooff. Ka aroha Luigi. I did notice I had stopped receiving your newsletters, but I thought it was my fault cos I've changed emails. Reading through this I was on the verge of tears. It must have been hard to write and relive, I can understand needing to keep your world small in the sense of not publishing, so much was out of your control and all of it so big (including the work stuff which you have to keep holding close). My Mum has come to live with me full time and I am so much more aware now of whole realities I was just naive about before. The loss of independence, the feeling of being a burden, and a society that mostly doesn't want to know. It's brutal. Your Mum is amazing to be 95!!!! You and your brother did an amazing job transitioning her, I can only imagine her strength. I related to you saying that you wanted to do better/be better. I'm trying too. Also find it difficult to write about for anyone except myself. I am also acutely aware all the time of that "task" of purging a lifetime of "stuff" at some point. I am trying to practice letting go now so that my kids don't have that responsibility. It just seems like an ache. Especially the boxes of correspondence, even more treasured now that such things don't exist. Anyway, I think you might enjoy this post by Megan Dunn, even though it left me a bit wrung out. Sending lots of love and great to have you back. https://megandunn90.substack.com/p/mum-rabilia
Thanks as always Nadine. It's great to be back :) It has been an interesting time. You are very perceptive. I appreciate the aroha. In writing what I do, I have to be very careful about the timing, particularly to protect other people as well as myself. You mentioned purging, and my writing at least in part is doing that. I feel I have viewed much of my life through the eyes of an angry teenager, although I haven't let that stop me from having an awesome family and a great life. I am very lucky that the life choices I made took me down some great paths, which could easily have had very different outcomes. I truly believe I have tupuna who look out for me. Going through my parent's correspondence now, that I had never seen before, has allowed me to see different facets of my family and even life in a different way. I'm lucky my mother is still around and happy to have frank conversations that my father would have turned his back on. Ageing is definitely brutal and cruel. I hope I never end up in a rest home, losing control of my life and dignity. I'll check out the Megan Dunn with thanks.
Hi Gino,
Boy what a year.
As you know, you and I come from similar backgrounds, as to how we grew up with our individual parents.
Both our parents were good friends back when you and I were young.
The similarities between our parents are quite scary, to be honest.
My mum, being younger than yours, has also had a year of mishaps, falls, etc. In and out of hospital. This has really knocked her confidence, Pop, who is the same age as your mum, and who really admired Leo, is now suffering from dementia, he doesn't move far from his couch on the deck, where he can see who is coming and going, they are both still living at home, but Mum wants out.
There are some very serious discussions to be had in the very near future.
The whole rest home thing is a complete shambles, I see it as nothing more than what you described in the horror case you and your brother experienced.
Anyway, I hope we never grow up to be old. Anyway if I do, Mel has booked me in to live with my granddaughter.
Now that'll be fun.
Take of yourself old friend.
I think, Cat Stevens Father and Son is appropriate to round this off.
Hey Tony, Yes your parents were great friends of mine. They also looked after me when I first moved to Christchurch until I got myself a flat. I have a painting that your Dad gave to mine, which your Mum assures me isn't of her lol. I am planning to return it as it has no meaning to me and we have nowhere to hang it.
I know where you are coming from and feel for your Mum.
Not all rest homes are like this, but unless you are wealthy enough to go to a retirement village (and my mother is past that), rest homes to me are places where people go to wait to die. I don't want to be in one of those either.
Bottom line, ageing is cruel.
I really related to Father and Son when I was younger.
All the best mate :)
Welcome back, Luigi, that is quite a year, quite a story.
Thanks Wayne, its good to be back.
Love you Dad. Pleased to see you writing again x
Thanks trace. I've missed it :)
Sun beaming in as I read your latest report.
I hope you are still well supported by your wife through this life chapter.
Trust that there is some time of calm and softness after these horrible events for you and your family.
One of these days it would be good to sit with a cuppa and a few acoustic guitars and hear how you are going forward into the future.
Blessings from heavenly Father to you and your family especially your mother.
Kia Kaha
Yolanda
Thanks Yolanda. Still pretty hectic right now, but yes, one of these days :)